Make 2012 the Best Thanksgiving Holiday with Family
Thanksgiving is here! The time of year when we are to be thankful for many things, most importantly, we are to be thankful for family and friends; grateful for another opportunity to enjoy each others company.
Many families from the outside looking in are extremely dysfunctional in nature. And some appear to be perfect in every way.
One thing we all know, there is often more going on than meets the public eye. Often we as family members are dealing with pasts hurts that we have yet to forgive, and we walk in to a family function with that issue unresolved. Though working on past pain takes an extreme amount of time, I am here to let you know that you can get through this holiday without letting your temper flare up or your broken emotions ruining yet another beautiful holiday.
Below I list 10 tips that will help you prepare for having a Thanksgiving that you can actually be extremely thankful for when the holiday comes to an end.
1. Accept that your family is the one you were meant to have
Who we are and where we come from, from a deterministic perspective, is exactly how things are to be. Though we grow up and change a lot of who we are, in efforts to erase our past, we still biologically belong to a group of individuals who are, in simple words: our family. That family is who you were meant to have as a part of your life’s story. You may feel that a lot of who they are does not relate to anything you support or believe in anymore, but just remember that biologically those individuals are a part of your story and learning to accept that as truth, rather than turn your back on it, will make a huge difference in how you move forward from this point on.
2. Plan to forgive past hurts
Often times the person you are still so very angry at have moved on past the incident or incidents that caused your unresolved anger. Sometimes, the only person in the way of forgiving the past pain is you. Take a look at the situation. Spend a few hours or days meditating on what happened back then. Write your feelings out, or talk them out with a trusted source. Plan today to forgive the incident, even the painful ones. Walking into this stage of forgiveness is for your sake, not theirs.
3. Relax and embrace the spirit of the Holidays
Relax! Relate! Release!! Remember that? It is a memorable quote from a scene with Whitley on the TV show ‘A Different World’. And those three words are a great chant suggestion for you as your breathe in and out this holiday season.
The holidays have arrived and I want you to plan to make the 2012 holidays and beyond, the best you have ever had! Take some time to rent a few holiday movies. Go window shopping or shopping for holiday décor for your home. Stop by your nearest Starbucks and try one of the many holiday flavors. Sit in the coffee shop and just spend time alone with your coffee and your thoughts. Write down in your journal the things in your life that you are most thankful for.
Get in the spirit of the greatness that comes with Thanksgiving and the excitement of the Christmas holiday soon to follow
4. If possible, call to talk to family you are upset with, prior to Thanksgiving Day
We all know that saying, ‘be the bigger man, or gal, about it’.
So you may already see where I am going with this one (smile).
The spirit of kindness is flowing everywhere during the holiday season, so reaching out to participate in this one kind act will not be very difficult at all. Consider it your way to participate in the spirit of the holidays.
5. Go for Walks, get good Sleep days before
Long walks with great scenery are a proven mood lifting technique. And great sleep the night before a long day ahead is just what the ‘doctor’ has ordered for you. If you anticipate any sort of drama that typically happens when you visit or host a function for Thanksgiving Day, you want to be mentally prepared; walking and getting an adequate amount of sleep will help you in arriving to this state of mind. Listen to relaxing music as you walk, throughout the day and as you prepare for bed. Calm music is another healing technique towards a better and more relaxed you every day, as well as during the holidays.
6. Do not debate political discussions with anger
Election Day for 2012 was on November 6th, right? So let’s leave it right there if you are more than aware that someone sitting at the Thanksgiving table does not agree with the FACT that President Obama won this year’s election. A lot of animosity has built from many different directions with this year’s election 2nd term winner. And across our world, there are likely billions of different opinions on how things should have or could have gone. The Thanksgiving Day holiday is not for the negative debates associated with politics. If you know in your heart that you cannot amicably agree to disagree with someone who stands on the other side of the political spectrum than you do, I highly suggest you avoid all political debates with family and friends visiting; be an advocate for political peace this holiday by sharing this advice with others who will be attending the same family function.
7. Keep everyone busy with games and activities
Live, Love, Laugh! That is another favorite phrase we enjoy to quote. So I expect you to be the one making sure that everyone you are spending the Thanksgiving Holiday with is doing just that! Go online and find some fun family games, one really great one is ‘Thanksgiving Fill-In-The-Blank’ find it here.
And when all else fails, gather up the family members and go outside and play some good ol’ ‘Red Rover’!
8. Drink responsibly
Ok, I would not be holding up my legacy of ‘keeping it real’, if I sat here and pretended that households hosting Thanksgiving Dinner are alcohol free zones. So we all know that yours or someone’s house you know about will have alcohol being served. Decide this year, if you have not already, to be the responsible drinker. Or choose even not to drink at all. Alcohol can bring out the loose tongues, and usually makes individuals begin to argue and address unresolved issues. Do not risk being a part of this scene. Drink responsibly or not at all this holiday and expect to enjoy yourself a lot more for choosing to do so.
9. Say thank you to the cook(s)!
Now look-ee here, Big Mama is not in that kitchen cooking for her health, (smile), so make sure you tell her or the future ‘Big Mama’s to be’, thank you for taking the time to make sure everyone’s belly enjoyed the holiday season as well. Always say thank you to those who are hosting an event that you attend. And if you really want to make them smile, offer to clean up…even if they say no, take out a bag of trash and wash a few dishes; believe me, it is a good look for you later after you have long since gone back to your own home.
10. Enjoy yourself
Most important part about a healthier emotional you during the holidays will be to ensure that you honestly did enjoy yourself. Now all of the tips here are not going to guarantee that those around you will be on their best behavior, but it will ensure that you will have a better holiday experience this year around. Do not take each comment so personally. As my daughter Rose likes to say, ‘Get out your Feelings!’ and as my daughter Denyce says often, ‘It is not that serious!’
Enjoy yourself this Thanksgiving Holiday and make sure you make it, the Best Thanksgiving Day ever!
Written by Authoress, DeAnna ‘Mz DeeVa’ Shields. Ms. Shields aka Mz DeeVa is a Psychology major at UMHB, U.S. Army Widow, Motivational Speaker, Aspiring Life Coach and Family Therapist. She hosts a Relationship Talk show online each week and is a respected inspirational Author of her 2011 self-published Relationship Guide, ‘So Your Hearts Been Broken? Please Get Over It!’
Order your copy here for only $6. Read it now via the NOOK e-reader
Read Mz DeeVa’s story of past hurts and how she learned to forgive in her memoir ‘Great Sex is Not Love and Never Will Be’
Racist Elderly Woman disturbs Passengers aboard Salt Lake City Delta Airlines Flight headed to Austin Texas
Wait until you read this outrageous incident a friend of mine witnessed after he and his bi-racial family had boarded their Delta Airlines flight to Texas Tuesday evening.
Passengers aboard Delta airlines flight #3298 in Salt Lake City April 4, 2012 witnessed Racism of years ago as they were delayed on a flight to Texas due to an extremely racist passenger’s complaint.
Many of the passengers aboard the flight witnessed an elderly white woman as she complained to the flight attendant about the passenger in the seat next to her. Making a fuss, the elderly woman insisted she would not be able to sit next to the passenger due to him being African American; no other reason was given.
The man, my friend shared with me, was not disturbing her in anyway, he simply was guilty of having a skin color the elderly lady has obviously spent a lifetime despising.
When the woman refused to stop her loud complaint, passengers report that the airline came over and let her know that they would remedy the situation and reached over to help the Black male passenger with his things, immediately moving him to the front of the plane to an open First Class seat. This professional response and most uncomfortable altercation for the Black male passenger ended with loud applause from the passengers!!!
It amazes me that the airline did not remove the woman from the plane, because everyone knows if I, Mz DeeVa, were in charge, she would have been moved off of the plane due to disorderly conduct.
Yet seeing as how I do not work for an airline, I can only sit back and give Delta kudos for making the best move possible out of what was surely an extremely uncomfortable situation.
As for the family of this elderly racist old hag, I highly suggest you drive her to her destinations because there are millions of Blacks on flights in our world, and that is not always going to end in her favor. She just may sit next to our generation’s quick to defend and stand within our rights types (like me) on her next flight…if I am so lucky I will chat with her on a one sided conversation the entire flight, with tremendous enjoyment and pleasure at its highest as I am talking and watching her squirm next to my Beautiful Black skin!!!
My question: if you were Delta airlines, how would you have handled the Racist passenger?
Single Black Women, While Being Urged by many To Do So, Watch the Reasons You Date Outside Your Race
The article in the Washington Post today, though well written, is titled ‘Single Black Women Being Urged to Date Outside Race’
My advice on this is, do not do it for sake of landing a man!
Date outside your race when you are positive you will see him as a man, and not date him to show Black men what they could have had, or what they are missing out on.
With that approach, your mind is going in all wrong into that relationship because it is not about the new man, in a new race, you are simply focused on making a point to your own culture of men who hurt you in the past.
You are putting him in the male ‘trophy’ position. Not a good start if you hope for it to turn into a meaningful relationship.
If you meet a man, of any race, treat him in the capacity of the man that he is or is not when you begin to date him. Never assume that stepping out of one culture and entering into the mixed culture dating world that this alone will bring you a better man.
There are many more signs that you need to be looking out for.
Is he recently divorced?
Did he just break up with someone that he mentions often in your conversations?
Is he attentive and attempting to get to know the things you enjoy to do?
How does he speak about the women in his family, like his Mother, his sisters, and yes even, his ex? Do you really want to begin a relationship with a man who uses horrible language when describing his ex? Even if she did do him wrong, if he is calling her names or venting about how horrible she is, chances are, he is not over that relationship.
Recognizing the fact that there are not as many decent and well educated Black men for the large numbers of single Black women to choose from is a wise thing.
Yet, be careful to know clearly your reasons for eliminating your own race in the world of dating.
I salute high standards, or even us having standards at all.
Yet, let us not mix our picky little lists with being a woman who has standards.
It is important to know, there is a difference.
I will touch on that, in another blog.
Mz DeeVa,
Author, U.S. Army Widow and Community Activist
Author of newly released Relationship Guide ‘So Your Heart’s Been Broken? Please Get Over It!’
Follow on Twitter @MzDeeVa4you
Like on Facebook: Mz DeeVa
Get on the Bus: April 2nd all day Economic Boycott for Justice for Trayvon Martin
Are you on the Bus with us? Today is April 2nd.
From my CNN iReport last week:http://ireport.cnn.com/docs/DOC-767620
April 2nd…a call out from me to Black America to join me for a Nationwide Boycott for Justice for Trayvon Martin, whom I choose to term ‘our fallen soldier Trayvon Martin’.
In this video request I urge us, Black America, to Unite, and “GET on the BUS, meaning, SIT, Rosa Parks style, and REFUSE to budge until JUSTICE is served…”
First, I would like to send my heartfelt Condolences to the Family of Fallen Soldier Trayvon Martin….
In the midst of an injustice that has not only torn the hearts of his family, we, Black America, are also feeling the pain of an unfair system that has been in need of fixing since ages before the Civil Rights movement.
Over the past week, awareness of the night Trayvon was killed in Cold Blood by a killer who has yet to be remorseful for his actions one, and who has yet to be arrested for his crime in an America that we take pride in telling foreigners has a much more just system than theirs…as we have been brought to the light of that fatal night that killed a young man who had his whole life of potential to be anything he desired to be…
…as awareness went viral across national media, Twitter, Facebook, Blog Talk Radio and other blogging sites…
…many have now gotten to that point…what…what can we do next?
I urge everyone to be Genuine in there efforts to support the cause of this fallen soldier, Trayvon Martin.
I urge you to contact your NAACP if you have stories similar to the injustice this family is facing, and I urge you to petition and push for justice for those stories as well.
I urge you to not let the ones on George Zimmerman’s side feed you with distractions such as the disrespectful findings they claim to have discovered from Trayvon’s past…be mindful and aware that it is simply a decoy method to keep YOU, Black America, from letting your PASSION for this hurdle of JUSTICE that we are about to cross that will be larger even than the efforts of our respected leaders before our time….it is a decoy, to prevent that.
I urge you to, plain and simply….get involved, by GETTING on the BUS…as of today, March 28th, we have yet to see George Zimmerman do time for the crime HE CONFESSED to….I say take your involvement one step further past the Marches, past the Hoodie pictures, past the prayer vigils ….
GET on the BUS, meaning, SIT, Rosa Parks style, and REFUSE to budge until JUSTICE is served…
On April 2nd, join me as we BOYCOTT businesses NATIONWIDE…no Drive throughs, No Restaurants, No Hotels, No Gas Stations…No Department Stores, No Malls…No Retail Purchases Online or OFFline…
GET on the BUS for our fallen soldier Trayvon Martin, GET ON THE BUS for all fallen soldiers before him dating back to Emmett Till and even years before that!
Yes, sign the petitions for the NAACP and Change.org…but in addition to that, that action that you have been searching for, is here via my request to our nation to PUSH forward in this April 2nd Boycott that serve one purpose, a NATIONWIDE request for the Immediate Arrest of George Zimmerman, which will indeed get the wheels of Justice rolling.
GET ON THE BUS April 2nd Black America….No Justice? Then fine, for ONE day there will be NO DOLLARS spent as well…GET on the Bus Black America.
Mz DeeVa,
Author, U.S. Army Widow and Community Activist
Follow on Twitter @MzDeeVa4you
Like on Facebook: Mz DeeVa (mzdeeva4you)
Bobby Brown was arrested Just Days Before his March 30th concert with New Edition in Oklahoma
Singer Bobby Brown was arrested this afternoon in California just days before his concert with group New Edition in Thackerville, Oklahoma.
Reports say that Bobby Brown was initially pulled over by officers for talking on his cell phone, yet a field sobriety test was given and soon after he was taken to jail.
I am not sure what is worse for this R&B star, the fact that these days he is reduced to title of ‘the late Whitney Houston’s ex husband’, or his inability to move past his rep of alcoholism and jail.
I often wonder if the judgemental public is extremely too harsh on the man who had a very successful career years before he played a huge role in using drugs with the late Queen of Pop.
Since those days Bobby Brown has claimed sobriety and has attempted to move on with his life on his recent new engagement to Alicia Etheridge and current New Edition tour. Yet obstacles that trigger the urge to use in many addicts keep coming such as the loss of his Father and soon after his ex wife.
And not to mention the unknown state of depression he could easily be in if viewing or hearing of the public blogs, Tweets and Facebook postings of angry Whitney Houston fans as they express their accusations that he ruined Whitney’s life.
Yet another step back for the ‘My Prerogative’ singer…we shall follow this and see if he wisely goes on a hiatus for a few and deals more directly with his demons….
…but of course at the end of the day, it is his prerogative…right?!
Mz DeeVa
Follow on Twitter: @MzDeeVa4you
Like on Facebook: MzDeeVa
Racist Blogger posts Recent Pic of Zimmerman and a FALSE gangsta Teen pic they Claimed was Trayvon Martin
In our quest for justice, make sure you are paying attention to what the naysayers and racists are up to.
With an obvious attempt to make a mockery of us, to make a mockery of Black America’s support for the family of Trayvon Martin to receive Justice for their son’s killing…a blogger spreads a disrespectful picture across ‘ultra conservative’ Blog sites …by the way, ultra conservative is my known DeeVaizm term for the EXTREME RACISTS of BLACK America!
I came across a racist blog site that is posting a current picture of Trayvon’s killer George Zimmerman, next to a picture they lie and claim is Trayvon Martin.
See my question and the picture below this note…
(NOTE: Miami Herald has since confirmed that the Gangsta like pose of a teen below is NOT Trayvon Martin and the bloggers of official news sites who all posted it have since taken the picture down but continue their racial rhetoric on the agenda of Black America in support of Justice for Trayvon Martin. )
Read the caption under the picture and you be the judges on this one…what do you feel is the point they are trying to make with this altered photo?
Looking to Support Beyond Trayvon Martin case? Small Ways To Make a Big Difference
Too often myself, and others, say Get Involved. And young and elders everywhere are asking ‘how do I do that?’
No one wants to just talk about it, they want to do more…so look below for a start on how to Make a Difference.
From Amnesty International site
Ten Ways to Make a Difference
http://www.amnestyusa.org/get-involved
Whether you have 5 minutes or more time to spare we’ve got a way for you to make a mark in this world.
Our strength lies in collective action. With over 3 million Amnesty members and supporters, we help individuals around the world whose human rights are being violated.
Here are 10 ways you can make a difference:
1. Take action right now! With so many issues happening all around the world, sign a petition on one of the many human rights issues facing our communities around the world.
2. Attend an event. Events are a great way to get to educate yourself and others about human rights and meet other like minded people in your community who want to take action together.
3. Become a member. We are a movement of people. Each time a new person joins, Amnesty’s light shines brighter on the injustices occurring at different places around the world. Join today.
4. Donate. Your gift helps keep our movement free from corporate influence and independent from government agendas. Donate now!
5. Volunteer. Our network of volunteers have the chance to try almost anything—from phone banking, writing letters and organizing a group to responding to a crisis, leading a lobby effort or carrying out our campaigns—we invite you to explore the diverse volunteer opportunities available to you around the country.
6. Join a Group. Together, the members of our groups take action, reach out to new communities and educate the public about how they can make human rights a reality for all.
7. Follow a Campaign. Are you passionate about a certain issue? Join a network of activists around the country who are using campaigns to teach communities about torture, abolition of the death penalty, ending poverty and more.
8. Shop for a Cause. At our online store you can shop t-shirts and a variety of gifts with a purpose.
9. Write for Rights. Join over 17,000 people in one of the largest events on behalf of political prisoners, human rights defenders and others whose rights are being violated by their governments or corporations.
10. Partner with us. Through collaborations, partnerships and collective action, we can improve the state of human rights here and abroad. If you represent a university, association or agency, explore the ways you can support Amnesty International.
Mz DeeVa,
Author of Relationship series:
‘So Your Heart’s Been Broken? Please Get Over It!’
‘Let’s Talk Relationships: The Exclusive and Not So Exclusive Ones’
‘Great Sex Is Not Love and Never Will Be!’
Follow on Twitter: @MzDeeVa4you
Like on Facebook: Mz DeeVa (http://www.Facebook.com/mzdeeva4you
Tune in: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/iLastRadio or http://www.MzDeeVa.com
The Persons Who Made African warlord Joseph Kony Name Go Viral, Got Attention, So Why Should You Help Make Kony Famous?
Why am I scrolling Facebook and Twitter, blogs and more; as well as seeing analysts on the news, and just keep hearing the negatives associated with finding Joseph Kony and bringing him to justice?
The naysayers are out by the dirty dozens and they all appear to be saying the same idiotic thing:
‘Joseph Kony has been at this for years. The mistreatment of the children and people in Uganda has been covered and researched and talked about for years, so why support this? Ignore it, Don’t support ‘Stop Kony’, ‘Make Kony Famous’, ‘Invisible Children’ movement!!’
Wow! Really? Well I will go with my thought, that those people ask/doubt this movement due to limited mindsets, I suppose, so I will just throw in my simple common sense response for those types, whether they care to read it or not.
We, as one huge large force, should ALL stand behind the ‘Stop Kony’, ‘Invisible Children’ and ‘Make Kony Famous‘ movements because THEY, the creators behind it, are the ones who were finally able to get the masses talking about it. Does that mean that we dismiss the others in the past who tried to raise awareness as well? No, not at all. The world should simply add their recorded efforts to the movement as well. Visit their websites and click the Facebook ‘like’ button on their pages also….alright? Let us do that so that everyone feels that needed pat on the back…and then let us get back to the business of helping the ‘Invisible Children’ and those hurting around them, by simply, as ONE larger force than the evil minds of the LRA, let us, as ONE, stand up, and show Joseph Kony and anyone supporting him, what an ARMY of recruited people can really do, for the GOOD, when all of us,
…..celebrities, students, news reporters, missionaries, researchers, couch gossipers, Twitter fanatics and Facebook lovers, what WE ALL can do as we:
MAKE KONY FAMOUS
Watch Film ‘Kony 2012′ on YouTube: http://youtu.be/Y4MnpzG5Sqc
Mz DeeVa,
Author of Relationship series:
‘So Your Heart’s Been Broken? Please Get Over It!’
‘Let’s Talk Relationships: The Exclusive and Not So Exclusive Ones’
‘Great Sex Is Not Love and Never Will Be!’
Follow on Twitter: @MzDeeVa4you
Like on Facebook: Mz DeeVa (http://www.Facebook.com/mzdeeva4you
Tune in: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/iLastRadio or http://www.MzDeeVa.com
Once seen on SXSW stages in Austin, former Ft Hood soldier Laird Oliver releases trendy ‘Groove Wit Me’ for Swing Dancers
Move over and make room for a collab sequel R Kelly, I do believe those who love to 2 step are going to love all night line dancing to Oliver’s newly released ‘Groove Wit Me’ once they allow into their ‘system’.
Austin, Texas’ single and talented Laird Oliver just recently got out of our Military. He once was seen here on the streets of Ft Hood Texas as a proud soldier of ‘The Great Place’ 13th COSCOM.
Laird spent several years of duty in the United States Army. He completed two tours in Iraq, and fresh from honorably stepping out of his uniform June 2011, he is without complaint putting full time energy behind the 2nd level of his music career and life on his push deeper into Mainstream musicland.
Picture your dance partner taking you in circles across the floor as if you are the only couple in the room…yes, we tend to get that way…picture that as you listen closely to Laird’s vocals which have been likened to greats like Al Green and Tyrese. In ‘Groove Wit Me’ he sings:
“Let me tell you what you can do with my love, oooh hold me baby, I can’t help it the way that you look at me, you making me wanna make luv right now …come close turn your body ’round, 2 step, step in the name of love. It’s the weekend baby, let’s have some fun…come on, let’s Groove the night away!”
I’m tempted to put on the 6 inch heels and hit my kitchen floor after playing that one!! 
Okay, maybe I am slightly partial because I spent a significant amount of time on the road with this artist back in my music promotion days. Or because my Father, God rest his soul, said of Laird’s then R&B group ‘S Class’: ‘Dee, those boys are going to be something huge one day!’
And you all know better than to argue with me about what my Daddy saidddd, rightttt Righttt!!
*squints eyes in attempt at evil virtual look at any naysayers 
In all seriousness, Laird is an amazing talent that has shared his music across Texas stages for many years now. Some of his most memorable tour days for my entertainment circle were at the world famous SXSW. (that is Austin, Tx HUGE music/film festival South By Southwest for any of you who are unfamiliar with the acronym)
Laird not only has the vocals to support his talent, but adds a very appealing fashionable taste to the stage as well…ladies, a Laird concert is definitely a concert your eyes and ears will thank you for attending!
…awww come on fellahs, she still has to go home with you after standing in that long line for the autograph!
So are we in the mood for some late night intimate grooving ladies? Or do need to shed a few hidden tears fellahs over the beauty who just broke or captured your heart? Well you will definitely want to add to your playlist ‘Cry Out Loud’, ‘Heaven Ain’t Changed’, and ‘Take My Hand’…visit http://www.lairdoliver.com Music link to take a listen.
(DeeVa’s ‘Sounds Like’ tip: If you love Tyrese’s ‘Stay’, you are going to fall for Laird’s ‘Heaven Ain’t Changed’)
Like Laird on Facebook: Laird Oliver http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Laird-Oliver/258825874153991
Read the other Lyrics Breakdown blogs? Well then you should expect this oh so DeeVa like shout out Ladies and Gents:
‘Call your radio stations and demand that they play Laird Oliver’s music!!!!!!!!!
Mz DeeVa,
Author of Relationship series:
‘So Your Heart’s Been Broken? Please Get Over It!’
‘Let’s Talk Relationships: The Exclusive and Not So Exclusive Ones’
‘Great Sex Is Not Love and Never Will Be!’
Follow on Twitter: @MzDeeVa4you
Like on Facebook: Mz DeeVa (http://www.Facebook.com/mzdeeva4you
Tune in: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/iLastRadio or http://www.MzDeeVa.com
